Forcing the square peg for crying out loud

WEELLLLLLL goddamn. It just took me 2 hours to do something that would probably take most people 30 minutes. I don't know if I should attribute it to the multiple times I had to unscrew and re-screw pieces into they're proper places…I just put together a grill. I know that SOUNDS fancy except for that it's one of those little $20 grills from the grocery store. I tried to play it off to myself like "well that meat is going to be dddddamn good after all that marinating!" while really I know I'm just constructionally retarded.

*In case you are not aware, I'm a cook but a grill master! On tonight's menu:

London Broil- w/my secret recipe marinade



My famous potatoes



Corn on the cob


Mind you, during this process I drank strictly chocolate milk as I didn't need any alcohol interference. From the first thing I started to screw in…I was SURE there were already parts missing. This way instead of feeling inadequate in the assembling arts I could simply take it back to the store and bitch about another inferior product.

Aside from the obvious benefits, I think my true subconscious reason for wanting a steady boyfriend is so he can build shit for me. My kids are going to hate me one day. As soon as that shit hands me the box that says "some assembly required," they will be met with a swift "put it back." Daddy will be busy because I sure as hell won't be spending my time trying to click, twist, turn, screw, snap or force parts into place. It's bad enough when I'm trying to get my pants on.

My fucking hands are killing me from all the nuts AND wing nuts I had to fiddle with today. I really really really really hate building shit. Home improvements fine. Things that come in pieces with instructions. Fuck that.

I wonder if it's because these products come from china and their technical artists and instruction authors don't know how to effectively translate it to English. OR just make that shit plain ass simple for people like me to understand. I don't know the Chinese metric system.

Just before I ate I had the pleasure of speaking to my mother who also let me know that my brother is reenlisting. I eventually had to hang up on her (common occurrence) and managed to sustain my appetite. Like butta.

I feel like forcing a square peg is a great analogy for a lot of things in my life I just realized. I need to get a sander.